another hypothesis

I live in this hypothesis that people should be known to sadness and loneliness as per its so monotonous being optimistic every time... so that when they come as unwanted guests people don't feel strange at all having them at their doorsteps.. you know people should stay awake for weeks.. should walk silently for hours in heavy rains with bare feet.. should see the empty wall of their rooms having the clock that's ticking seconds,,minutes and then hours the whole night... should see themselves in mirrors and cry like infants.. *sometimes... only sometimes* to become used to these phases of being pessimistic so that when happenings..surroundings.. people who they love.. anything that is around them would  hurt and tear their souls .. they don't feel the bitterness but only sweetness of those moments of affliction...Just like that.. to be optimistic again...!

Question mark

in dreams..
we see things we want to see in our grooves but we don't have them... those unasked wishes...we see our passions as like they are confronting us only at some miles...
it looks like if we'll unroll our arms a little wider we'll get them all ..with a little gesture of a single part of body we can get everything of World we want to, all the fantasies are like coming true but what ?
what happens when we do open our arms wider to get them.. those passions those aims those wishes those devotions start getting away from us.. as we chase them they start getting farther.. we never get any of them in our hands... in our grip in dreams that's strange about dreams.. dreams only let us "see" but don't let us "clutch" them ..
in realities
we forget them .. those desires those longings in our realities just become our "dreams" and stay there for a long. that's a difference between dreams and reality.. we don't try to make those passions of our dreams at a little distance from us. We continue our routines as we were doing yesterday and the day before yesterday.. we make no connection of those glittering eyes we dreamed about last night to this bare handed reality...
Actually the problem is we are too lazy.. too much lazy to climb the mountains of our lives from the hardest paths it shows us.. we are a age who finds ease everywhere in everything.. as all say "Easy come easy go".. and many other maxims.. Alas ! these dreams are flying away and we ain't bothering about them... isn't it so bad being grasped in expectations( some of our own to us and some of others to us)...I always think this World that was created for us and then we made certain rules and regulations to live in it .. these by-laws should be a little different .. they should had allowed us to live our dreams as we are taught by nature we had been also taught this by our society.. you know sometimes when we are descending deep in the ocean of thoughts it feels bad that we are so stuck in our life's circle that we ain't feeling like to cross these circles to go beyond the boundaries to live what we want to..is it what we were created for? .. question marks !!

Burning in Ocean

" I'm in a deep ocean, there's all water over my body..I'm totally swamping in deepness .. It feels like there are only two conditions either I'm gonna survive or I would die... so firstly i am preferring to die. Because it's easy its easier to me. Because with these waves around me i can't survive. My mind doesn't accept this.. I have to die..yes.. it's good.. see I'm gonna lose my breath in no time I will close my eyes and it will be over.. and nothing will harm me. I won't feel anything. Wait a second why isn't this happening.. why couldn't I lose my breath.. why still I'm feeling this drowning.. now this later condition .. yes my heart has started pumping again.. it's saying to me.. come on ! if you ain't dying you must have to survive.. I am left with no choice and I also have started struggle for my survival.. you know its hard to survive then to die.. but still I can't help myself out of this.. I really can't..see where I'm standing this moment.. in between the two infinities here I am standing at zero.. I cant do anything.. what stage of life is this.. ? what we call this ? where to go .. what to do at this moment ? I feel my mind is frozen... BUT
I have already burnt myself in this ocean before...today, standing in here I know.. sometimes.. turmoils are sweeter .. they are more beautiful.. they are more congenial...I have become used to it.. and I don't want anyone to take me out of this.. because this inebriation takes me in a deme where I see no one  but that smiling face..."

God's there.. !

... then a day came when he left her ...in the mid of darkness and she was asking him with bare eyes : " why are you leaving?.. tell me Daniel? " and but that day he didn't say a word and left silently..left her without reasons, and with so many questions... left her between right and wrong..he left because he had to.. Her face was looking so wretched..she was crying helplessly she couldn't have stop him.. she sat there in that darkness for hours.. suddenly she felt her shriveled eyes  .. she shook her head and noticed the gyration was again started what was stopped some moments before ..what was that feeling ? pain of love ? "pain of love would be the most hurting one" those words from that tattered book were roaming in her head, the very moment she decided , that was the pain of love she felt right there, that day alone in that darkness under the empty sky ..she started shooting " Oh God! why have this all happened? why this has happened to me? why have you selected me to suffer this pain? Why me? Why have he left me? You know he had no right to do that to me..Sarah's eyes were again wet .. she cried her heart out and then... Then? Then What? Ah,,! She got up  without anyone's help she picked herself up again, wept her tears and started walking alone..All the way thinking to herself she seek .."What was that? who helped me to stand up again? I wasn't so strong I was so helpless..my agony,, that was so colossal.. no one was there.. aimlessly her eyes saw the sky...".. and then..
Sarah and I, both of us got the answer.. God is there.. Always..! You know.. he have already chosen those ones, who He loves.. He want them to be on His path.. He makes them see the Truth of life.. and makes them realize that there is no one except Him who loves them as truly as He do.. He pore their lives with miseries and let them SEE.. SEE HIM without being exposed..he let them see Him, feel Him..around them.. in everywhere...

He walked

December, that month in which even the trees wilt, but how could he stand??????
Questioning his mind, constantly scratching, as he walked on those leafs crunch came the voice. Those trees neatly lined up on either side of that track, those sag leafs neatly brushed into piles after a pause. He learned something, something that was oddly true yet so pinching, that truth hidden in those piles. "Never to be green again, never to be attached", those lines played over a loop.
Hands in the pockets of his brown corduroy pants, warmed by that grey overcoat that flew just below his waste, kicking those stray leaves with his pointy dark brown shoes.
He walked passively with his head bent down as the sun light hid behind those light grey clouds in that evening, a cold breeze touched his soul.................
He walked...............

Rang aur Insan

Rangoon ka bi ajeeb hi khel hai. Kabhi kabhi rangoon ka taluq kisi ek rang sa hota hai, wo ek wahid rang jo rangoon ko motabaar krta hai. Wo ek rang jis ki talash mai sari zindagi guzar jati hai, wo ek rang jo hazaroon rangoon mai bi ho tu door sa nazar usko pehchan layti hai aur kabhi us ek rang ki kami bki rangoon ko berang kar dayti hai. Us ek rang ka hona khushii aur sakoon ki allamat hai aur us k na honay sa hazaroo waswasay zindagi mai aa jaty hai. Yehi haal insan ka bi hai. Usay b rangoon ki tarah motabaar karny k liye ek aisa hi rang chaiye hota hai jo usko munfarid kary, jo us ko mukamal kary jo sirf ushi ki zaat ka mehwaar ho. Us k liye wo ek rang jaisy sari kainat ho jis ko wo lahkoon k hajoom mai bi bina kisi duswaarii k dhoond lay. Aur wo us k rang mai rangta chala jata hai bina yeh sochy k us ka rang uski zaat par aashanaaz ho ga b k nhi. Magar wo us rang k rang mai khud ko fanna kar dayta hai aur wo rang yeh keh kar akhir mai usko chor jata hai k yeh kis rang mai rang gye ho. Rang aur insan kehny ko ek jaisy zarur ho skty hai hai magar haqeeqat mai hai nhi kyu k rang ek dafa char kar uthartha nhi aur na hi usko baad mai koi gilla hota hai jb k insan dosaray insan ko apnay rang mai daal kar usko yeh keh kar chor dayta hai k tm wo rang nhi jo mai chahta tha.

Someone

can u feel when the breeze blows across there is something it has to say can u feel when u r being remembered can u feel when the stars are being compared to u can u feel when u are turned into literature can u feel when someone is willing to fill the empty space 
when someone prays for you silently when someone would love to help heal the wounds when someone finds happiness in you when someone would love to fall for the flaws and she was that someone ..!!

Depth

A greatman once said "We are actors on this stage of World". Yes we are in actual actors(every adjective that describes a aspirant)..we are selfish..we are careless..we are heedless.. we in that "deep down" heart are feelingless aspirants for past,present and future. Lets start from "past" for what I say we dont have any concern with!!..when we see there is something being said about past or the nostalgia, we start pretending that.. yes! our past do effect us in our lives ..or may be in somedays. We start saying that we care about those small bad or good incidents of past those deeds we have done on those ordinary days, those little words we said on that family event or whatever maybe..and to contribute to those meaningless parleys we start opening those written locked pages of our life's book and start finding that what we had done there in yesterdays and then after a long walk in those jumbled stories of past we find some visible words and open our taps to let flow those unwanted words to let people know that we also exist and we also are playing our role too ..what we do is we dont see the "deep down"of our hearts, as going deep in a sea we find a precious pearl, similarly in "depth" of our heart we find "ourselves". we find who we actually are. We get that"truth".. oh heck ! then in that depth we find ourselves which is totally different to our scums ! there, in that depth, when we skim that scum off, we see... we just pretend see, we dont care what we have done in our past, we dont even think a moment for what we did at 7:40pm of yesterday..what we said to oyr grandmaa about her old denture..! Then we see ourselves probably nude in that worn out cloth of selfishness and we seek ..oh my ! it wasnt anything of the past i remembered, i ponder upon and then i found those words what if i had not been able to do so ..to think for that chandraat two years back...then that "depth" makes us realise that we dont care about our past, we dont have any concern, we are just heedless about it..till our present is effected by that moment..man is selfish he just cares about a thing in his life when he is being effected by it in his personals..then comes "present" (laughter) what can we say about our present when we don't know if we will be able to take our next breath or not?? Will we be able to survive or not if we get stuck in a problem the very next moment?? oh my ! still we are so calm.. heedless creatures we all are..we don't pay attention... We keep flowing like the flow of water.. Don't care... what if some loveone dies the next moment ..what if we die this evening?? we know we should seek these things, we should care about them but still we give a damn for what would happen the next moment..(giggle) we are actors who don't know what their character basically is. What the role is he playing...then in present we go in the "depth" we see there's nothing we are known to ! and being illerate about whats happening and for what the reason is all it is hsppening is a mark that show we are puppets...breathing puppets!! and puppets have nothing but only what his Master allows him..!we are so "helpless" ain't we??? the "depth" teaches us to be in our limits of what our Master has defined for us ..!"future" defines us in a very beautifully said word ..nothing else but "foolish" who thinks he would survive for years when he isnt sure about the next moment! he plans ...he wishes ..he dreams for better ..he dreams for tomorrow.. how foolish a man is? a man ?? o sorry a breath taking puppet ! who has no concerns about his past.. about his past deeds.. not worried about yesterday ..a puppet who is heedless for what if he dies the next moment what would he do?? lets again dive through "depth" see ...how meaningless,useless,worthless,doubtfull,are we??..what is our existence but only a "clot of a blood"..and we say ourselves to be "master"(of nothingness)

-Qaynat

Ignorance

Do you  even know what it feels like to be ignored? You give your best and  think about someone  every time and that person knowing everything still ignores you , like you are invisible, not hear able , your whole existence does not matter to them. You give them a door to enter your heart and break it and shake it and tear it apart until your soul shed tears of blood. You tell them each and everything and they hide things from you  and lie to you lies big enough to be forgiven  but you forgive just because you want everything to get well. You try hard for everything to figure out but at the end all what happens is you end up feeling useless,  lonely, isolated  though the whole world seems to be walking with you but deep inside its only you and your loneliness.

 The person who was supposed to make you feel better and happy  leaves you lying wounded in a darker and deeper ditch of isolation.

a teacher's gift

a teacher's gift

Fallen Masks

They say why people meet if they are meant to be separated.But my question is why flowers bloom if they are to be wilted , why we win, if he have to lose again , why we sleep if we have to wake up again, and why we live if we have to die one day, the answer to all this is time.Things change with time, as time passes, new qualities evolve. We learn to live on without the things which keep on stabbing us and then we realize the need to change,to change the priorities , to change the requirements and trust me if u don't change you will end up destroying yourself because this world is all about people with masks and whenever the mask falls we seem to have perception that the person has changed but that's not the truth. That changed person is the real person. Its really hard to find people these days who are same inside out because  in this society of double faced people their survival is hard. You are in turn compelled to wear a mask and fake a smile .

Love

God sent us in this world and bestowed us with a lot of abilities we would have made great progress but He made a wild creature and caged it behind the ribs .Yes , THE HEART ..!!

besides the path which leads one to its destiny He created another path , a path full of beauty , fantasy , and charm but Alas its just an illusion, similar to a mirage in the desert, you go after it blindly and later u realize that there is nothing like it and by the time u realize it u r off the original track . as u proceed , u realize that this path is dark ugly painful and there is no escape at this point . u r in the middle of a quicksand maybe forever . and another agony the path is surrounded by spectators similar to a stadium . they watch u suffering and stumbling getting up to receive more wounds and get  hurt and enjoy it like a reality show . whenever a ray of sun shines , u fall in a deeper and darker ditch . this path is of Love and heart is the culprit .

Love makes us vulnerable , minimizing our abilities but we have to admit that in this suffering we find a new us . a stronger version. much wiser than before. and this pain becomes a drug whose addict cant be cured through any rehab .

Doors of Life

Sometimes, wandering through the doors of life we get stuck in a room of darkness where no one is there for us. In that room we cry and scream aloud, but for others those screams are meaningless silence. No one can see us in that darkness. There is no one we can talk to. No one helps us to get out of that room. But then out of nowhere a little opening shows up and through it, light makes its way to that dark room of sins. That is the time when we have to be strong. We have to catch the light and help ourselves to get out of that circle to get our lives back. You know what that is? Light shown by the One sitting over those clouds. HE often does this to us because He wants us to know that we are nothing but bunch of nobodys who belong to HIM only. No one can help us without His permission. No one can help us other than HIM. In this way HE makes us realize that HE is the only friend and family we actually have.

-Qaynat

Life

we always want a happy ending for it we only strive 

but nature has it's own way of bending because its the spark which keeps us alive

its not about wilting its about the delight of efflorese 

its not about losing its about the endeavor to eminence 

this life is not a bed of roses its a dark path full of thorns 

we think of it as proses but in real its the thoughts which are torn 

everyone who meets is not a friend some are there to pull you down

they are there to stab your back so beware and look around

utmost desires left unfulfilled indispensable prayers left unlistened 

life never let go a chance to leave us shocked and thrilled

always giving new reasons for heart to be glistened

non of us is impeccable all we need is an eye 

which ignores the things which are questionable and understands without asking why

trust in your Lord and move on as He pulls u back when you are about to drown 

whatever happens life goes on so there is no time to sit and to frown 

You!

All my life i have been thinking that i wrote poetry on the people i used to try to find you in. It’s not a mere body that i desired. It’s your soul I was searching for all along. I wrote poetry on the void that you filled as soon as you laid eyes on me on May 14, 2012 at 3pm. I wrote poetry on you since I learned to write one. You were in me all along. I just had to meet your physical form and that occurred 21 years later after our births. Since then you have completed me in a way nobody could ever do. I found you as if i was searching for you all along. I don’t know what our future holds for both of us but one thing is certain. I was born to be yours. I was born to love you since my first baby cry. I came in this world to find your physical form and connect to it in ways that would complete both of us. You, my love, are what i desire and cherish the most. As Rumi says and I quote here; “Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” All my verses and poetry were for you. After meeting you, I comprehended that it was you all along who was the main reason of my poetry and my existence.